The Vital Need for Soul Tending During the Postpartum Period

What does soul tending look like? What does it mean?

Very simply, it means: what am I doing on a daily basis to nourish my soul? As moms, this is an aspect of self-care that falls to the side all too easily. In fact, it’s something most people are not even in touch with before becoming a mom, so when motherhood arrives like a tornado we feel even more uprooted and lost. This is because as mothers we are constantly giving and doing for others, and the last person to get attention is ourselves — and by then we’re usually so beaten down and exhausted by the day that the thought of doing anything for ourselves feels overwhelming.

 
Black mother meditates on her couch while her small child plays nearby.
 

The conversation I want to have is about how soul tending is vital to our ability to mother and show up in the world. This is distinctly different from the idea of self-care, which focuses more on the level of basic needs. There is certainly crossover between the two, but soul tending is about feeding and nourishing our soul so that our cup stays full.

I get it. As moms, it feels impossible to find the time and space to do anything that remotely resembles soul tending. Especially during those first few years when our LO demands so much attention and focus. I know in my case, all the ways that I tended to my soul pre-birth are no longer readily available to me. I’ve had to figure out what soul tending looks like now, in this iteration of my life. At best, it’s something that happens infrequently. So I get it, it’s hard and it’s exhausting, because pretty much everything is exhausting when you are a mom. And yet — and I can’t stress this enough — it is vital to our very existence.

Did you know that depression is a symptom of the soul? Yes, there are people who have depression caused by biochemistry or hormones. But if these are ruled out, it’s a symptom of the soul calling out to be tended. It’s a suppression of emotions that build up over time and have a tremendous affect on our psyche. New moms are especially vulnerable. Between the profound identity change, the challenges of taking care of a newborn then baby, the breastfeeding, the lack of sleep, the isolation — the list goes on and on — it’s no wonder that there is such a high percentage of women who suffer from PPD, PPA, or postpartum rage.

This is why it’s so important to tend to your soul. Nourish it as often as possible.

You know your soul is nourished when:

  • You feel grounded

  • You feel more readily able to surrender and let go of expectations and agendas

  • You feel more present

  • You feel more in your body

  • You feel a sense of calm

  • You notice and feel more connected to your breath

Conversely, you know you need to nourish your soul when:

  • You feel scattered or empty, as if you are a shell of yourself floating above and watching from a detached perspective

  • You feel on edge, impatient, short-tempered, and like you need to control everything so that things go smoothly

  • You feel distracted and removed from what is happening, your thoughts are elsewhere, and you are absently scrolling through your phone

  • You aren’t aware of your body or your surroundings

  • You feel anxious

  • You are holding your breath

Ways to nourish your soul (this list is in no way exhaustive):

  • Sit or stand outside in the sunshine for at least five minutes.

  • Focus on your breath — do deep belly breathing through your nose, drawing the breath up to your lungs, pausing at the top, and slowly exhaling through your nose. Do this at least five times. You can even put one hand on your belly and one on your heart.

  • Touch a tree — yes, seriously, go stand next to a tree, place one or both hands on its trunk, and take some deep breaths. Now try closing your eyes.

  • Stand barefoot in the grass or dirt. Take some deep breaths. Try closing your eyes.

  • Let your eyes and ears take in the sights and sounds of nature. Even in a big city you can look at a tree blowing in the breeze and hear birds singing to each other. Allow yourself to tune in to the natural sounds around you.

  • If you have access to a bathtub, make a bath for yourself, light some candles if possible, and sit in the water while focusing on your breath. This is good to do at the end of the night.

  • Read a short poem. You can even read it out loud to your baby.

  • If you have a pet, spend a few minutes petting it with slow, focused strokes.

  • Dance — put on some music it doesn’t matter what and dance. You can even do this with your LO. Dancing is a terrific way to move energy and to fill your cup simultaneously. Remember in order to be able to fill your cup you have to clear out space.

  • Do a repetitive gesture and incorporate your breathe. Take a moment and close your eyes. Take a few deep cleansing breaths and listen to your body and soul. What repetitive gesture wants to move through you. It doesn’t have to look a certain way, you know you’ve hit on something when you can feel the resonance of it in your body. Do this gesture over and over for about at least 5 times. This is a good one to incorporate into dancing as well.

  • Self-pleasure — I realize this one can be challenging for a lot of folx. If you are able to connect with yourself in this way, it’s a great way to foster intimacy with self and a terrific way to move energy.

Let’s talk.

We would love to connect with you.



Sepideh Hakimzadeh