Couples Therapy for Parents in Pasadena, CA; How Online Counseling Can Help New Parents Thrive in Their Relationships
You get that pregnancy test result—and it’s positive.
You are so excited, but you’re also nervous as you hope that everything will go smoothly and your baby will be healthy.
You start to dream of your baby’s space, planning how you’ll decorate, picking colors and accents, and gear.
You read books and talk to parent friends and take pregnancy classes to prepare for your ideal birth experience.
Then you give birth … and you move through a portal that transforms every single aspect of your life in ways you never could have expected.
Maybe the delivery didn’t go the way you envisioned. Maybe you don’t feel an instant connection with your baby. Breast/chestfeeding is more challenging than you anticipated. Your body is sore and slow to recover. You are exhausted, but now you have this tiny, needy, crying baby that you have to take care of 24 hours a day. The days feel blurry, relentless. Like Groundhog Day but with a lot more spit-up and 30-second naps.
You are more tired, in body and mind, than you thought humanly possible.
You find yourself feeling irritable, especially towards your partner. You start to notice that you feel resentful towards them. They didn’t have to carry a baby for nine months. They didn’t have to give their body over to birth. They can’t know the level of exhaustion you are feeling. How dare they complain about how tired or overwhelmed they are? Can’t they see that you are drowning?
Days turn into weeks turn into months, and you realize that you don’t even know the person you are parenting with.
You don’t recognize your partner. Maybe your parenting styles differ, and you don’t know how to get on the same page. Maybe you feel like the workload is unbalanced, and you don’t feel seen in all that you do as the mother and primary parent. You don’t feel connected to your partner. The intimacy and connection feel buried under everything. You feel sad about being so disconnected from your partner, but you don’t know how to bridge the gap between you.
Therapy Can Be an Essential Part of Postpartum Prep
Something many first-time parents don’t consider but quickly learn to be true is that your intimate relationship takes a big hit after birth. Your energy levels shift and your priorities change drastically, and of course, this impacts your relationship with your partner.
When society talks about preparing for postpartum, the hard truths of it are rarely discussed. One of the most overlooked is how intensely your intimate relationship with your partner is impacted. Amidst sleep deprivation, overwhelm, hormonal changes, learning about and getting to know your new baby, and the profound identity shifts and crises that many birthing folks and mothers go through, it’s no wonder that all the negative, dense, heavy emotions you’re feeling manifest in conflict with and distance from your partner.
Therapy for new parents should be an essential part of postpartum preparations.
Ideally, therapy for new parents should start pre-conception. It is a safe and supportive space to explore how your relationship and priorities will change or have changed. Therapy is a place to develop new tools to use in tending to your relationship. It can also be helpful to have a space to explore how you want to parent.
It’s important to remember that it’s normal to feel resentful and not as connected with your partner after giving birth. It’s also important to remember that it doesn’t have to stay that way. Through therapy, you can work to find common ground and meet each other there.
Improve Your Relationship with Online Therapy
Life changes after kids and so will your relationship. Just as you will not be the same when you're first in a relationship, neither will you be the same when kids come along. In order to promote a healthy and emotionally vulnerable space for your kids, it's necessary to prioritize your relationship. Online therapy is not only for couples but for new parents as well. It can help you navigate the emotions that come with this new chapter in your life. online therapy offers a unique opportunity to connect with a therapist on your own time and in your own space. This is especially important for new parents who might not have the time or energy to go to therapy in person. online therapy can help you find support when you need it most. Additionally, as parents navigate through the postpartum period, relationship tensions may be at an all-time high. This can cause unneeded stress and ruptures if we don't understand why this is happening and how to help.
Bridging Connection
Connection starts with small acts, not overtly big gestures. It’s important to honor your capacity and how much you have to give. Often times at the end of the day, when all is said and done, we really just want the people closest in our lives to see and acknowledge the work we are doing and the massive changes we are experiencing through parenthood/motherhood.
Some small ways to fill the relationship cup:
Say something kind to your partner
It doesn't have to be anything big, just a simple "I appreciate you" can go a long way. Online therapy can help new parents learn effective communication techniques and build stronger relationships.
Say thank you so the other person feels seen and valued
When is the last time you slowed down to see all the hard work your partner is doing? Parenthood is often a thankless job and you can get burnt out quickly especially when nothing you do seems to calm your child. Take time to reaffirm your partner and remind them that you see them too.
When You are with Your Partner Be Fully Present
Make an effort to put your phone down when you're with your partner or family. It can be tough to break the habit, but it's important to show the people you love that they have your full attention.
Do something nice for your partner—an act of kindness can go a long way
Make your partner dinner, get up with the baby this time, and clean up around the house. Small things can go a long way in your relationship. These small things can show your partner you’re still in this together and that you value your partner and your family.
Focus on your partner’s love language(s)
Words of affirmation: Examples include expressing gratitude, telling your partner they’re attractive, affirming words like “you’re doing a great job,” and compliments. Quality time: This love language is all about giving your partner undivided attention. Turn off the TV, put away your phone, and make eye contact while you talk.
Acts of service: Examples include making coffee in the morning, taking the dog for a walk, filling up the car with gasoline, and folding your partner’s laundry. Receiving gifts: This love language doesn’t necessarily mean receiving expensive presents; it can be as simple as a handwritten note, surprise tickets to a show, or flowers delivered to your office
Receiving gifts: Examples Include a handwritten note, surprise tickets to a show, or flowers delivered to your office. Don't forget about self-care it's important to take care of yourself, both physically and mentally. When you're a new parent, it's easy to get caught up in taking care of your baby and forget about your own needs.
Quality time: Examples Include putting away your phone, making eye contact, talking, being fully present with your partner, and listening to them. It's important to make time for each other, even if it's just a few minutes a day.
Physical touch: Examples include holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and sex.
Many new parents find that their relationship with their partner changes after having a baby. It's important to keep the lines of communication open and express your needs to your partner. Remember that your own love language may be different from your partner's, so make sure you are on the same page with their needs and what you are.
Create time to connect and talk outside of your roles as parents
It can be difficult to find time to connect with your partner when you're both busy with work and taking care of the baby. One way to make time for each other is to schedule a weekly date night, even if it's just a few hours. You can also try to have regular conversations outside of your roles as parents. For example, talking about your day-to-day activities, sharing things that are important to you, and discussing your hopes and dreams for the future.
Communication Is Key
In the haze of the exhaustion of those early years, it’s easy to take for granted that your partner knows all your needs, discomforts, and dissatisfactions. It’s important to remember that your partner cannot read your mind. A lot of frustration and conflict stem from not communicating clearly and regularly. Often, an open conversation outside of the heat of the moment can go a long way toward preventing hurt, anger, and resentment.
It can feel challenging to know how to start some conversations, and this is where couples therapy can be very helpful. Talking with a neutral third party who can help you both develop communication tools can go a long way toward bringing harmony to the relationship.
We all need extra support during big transitional moments in our lives. Having a baby is one of the most beautifully disruptive transitions a person and/or a couple can go through. Bringing in support to navigate this new terrain can help both parents feel more seen, more held, less stressed, and better understood.
Try Therapy As A Couple or Individual
If you're struggling to find time for date night, online therapy can be a great solution. You can attend sessions from the comfort of your own home and fit them into your busy schedule. Many couples find that therapy helps them improve their communication and resolve conflicts. You can also attend therapy sessions individually. Whatever your goal is, you will find a safe space for BIPOC and Non-binary parents to feel seen, understood, and heard.
Begin Online Therapy for New Parents and Couples
When you become a new parent, it feels like there is no one who understands what you are going through. Your friends and family members may be supportive, but they can't really know what it's like to be in your shoes. That's where online therapy can help. Couples therapy online can provide you with the support you need when you're feeling overwhelmed as a new parent. You don't have to go through this challenging time alone - online therapy can help connect you with other couples who are going through the same thing. At Whole Mother Therapy, we specialize in helping parents navigate the challenges of parenting. Our Pasadena therapists offer intersectional therapy that takes into account the unique experiences and needs of parents from marginalized communities. If you are a cycle breaker open to doing deeper work of intergenerational healing and understanding, we would love to help you!
You can follow these steps to get started:
Schedule a free consultation with one of our therapists.
Learn more about our practice and how therapy can help you.
Begin the journey of healing and self-discovery to become a better parent and partner
Additional Therapy Services Offered at Whole Mother Therapy
Being a new parent is not easy and it’s time to get the necessary support for your mental well-being and relationship. Regardless of what brings you here, we can help. We have therapists who offer a wide range of mental health services at our Pasadena office, we provide postpartum depression treatment, postpartum anxiety treatment, marriage counseling and couples therapy for new parents, in-home visits, and virtual therapy. Additionally, we offer support groups. These are music groups for pregnancy and a free postpartum support group.
As a BIPOC and inclusive practice, we want you to know that this is a safe and affirming space. Our practice is LGBTQ+-allied and welcomes diversity of race, religion, sexual orientation, and gender identity. When you’re ready for support, there is a space for you to grow, heal, and develop with us.
At Whole Mother Therapy in California, we offer online therapy in Pasadena for parents and individuals needing support. If you are ready to work with one of our skilled and compassionate therapists, then follow these simple steps to get started:
Learn about our Online Therapists
Begin Feeling More In Control and Balanced During the Harder Seasons!
OTHER SERVICES AVAILABLE AT WHOLE MOTHER THERAPY
Other services available at Whole Mother Therapy Services include Marriage and Couples Counseling, support groups ( postpartum, pregnancy, and music), Psychotherapy for postpartum depression and Anxiety, infant loss, birth trauma, individual therapy for parents, and therapy for stress and parental burnout. All of our services are available via online teletherapy (online therapy in California/virtual therapy in Pasadena) for those looking for accessible services from the comfort of their own space.